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Of course I made it home before my wife. Not that it mattered, she wouldn’t have helped me drag the tree in and set it up anyway. After I got the tree inside and set in the tree stand, I cleaned up the mess I dragged in with me and went to work.It took a couple hours to get the lights strung and all the ornaments hung but the tree was definitely the best one I’ve ever had. All I had to do now was wait for the wife to come home and start her rant.I barely had a new drink poured when I heard the garage door opening. Couldn’t I catch a break and the bad weather kept her from coming home? Guess it was time to gird my loins!She walked in carrying a couple bags and barked at me like a dog at the end of their leash, “Just don’t stand there, go get my other bags!”I looked at her for a second, slammed the drink down my throat enjoying the burn. Without a word I walked past her and retrieved the bags from the front passenger seat, entire back seat and the trunk. It took three trips to get them. And she did.When the tirade was complete and she was breathing again, she picked up the kittens, asked Piper politely if she would like to go home, grabbed me by my OW! ear and marched us all down the tower stairs.Her parting shot ... before she tore my ear half off ... was, "Our Attorney will be in touch with your attorney."Daddy was gong to raid my dollar jar ... again.We stopped in Lansing. The SNJ was done. Odd looking but done. Not one replaceable metal part was the same color. Crazy Quilt."Bill the USGS, Ben." Grace was still fuming, "David ... you have the Minus Q, I shall fly the Crazy Quilt."And that's what we did. Home again, home again, jiggity jig. No fat pig.In the morning, we had visitors. Grace said, "We're minors ... we will not talk without a parent and our attorney present. Unless you have come with a warrant ... get out of my house." We have a warrant." Show it to me. David ... call your father."They lied ... no warrant. Assholes."Daddy? Take a dollar out of the jar.
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